The Power of Positive Thinking
by somewhataddicted
Summary: Human Doccubus- Lauren Lewis has given up on love. So has Bo Dennis. But the universe has a plan. So, what happens when Lauren moves to town looking for a new beginning and stumbles upon a brunette stranger that completely captivates her? With a little courage and some metaphysical intervention, anything can happen. Rated M for sex. one shot
1. Chapter 1

**This one shot is something a little different for me. It just popped into my head. I hope you enjoy it.  
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****Characters belong to Lost Girl and Prodigy Pictures. I own nothing.***

**"The Power of Positive Thinking"**

The first thing I noticed were her eyes.

That was a lie.

She made it impossible for you to notice anything besides her amazingly delicious breasts any time you saw her. That first time, when I tore my eyes from black and white words stamped on the pages of my book to address the woman taking my drink order, I was struck dumb by the sight of them in my face as she leaned across to see what I was reading.

"Hmm, 'Creative Visualization- Use the power of your imagination to create what you want in your life.' Not your typical bar read," she mused with a hint of humor in her voice.

It was my first attempt at a book like that. A purchase governed by a passing thought that after ten years of wallowing in my loneliness, the old "power of positive thinking" spiel everyone was raving about might show me the path to happiness. Nothing else had, but hell, I had nothing to lose. Well, nothing except every bit of cool I had in me as I floundered in her presence.

"Quite intriguing," she continued, ignoring my blatant ogling.

I was staring. Even in my shame, I just kept staring. Like a bad car wreck you couldn't tear your eyes from, only this was a sight you could embrace. One you'd dream about. One you'd like to wrap your hands and mouth around for hours at a time.

Mute and certain I looked every bit like any guy I'd ever seen with a boob in his face, I wet my lips and cleared my throat, forcing my eyes upward. That's when I lost myself in the softest pair of chocolate eyes I'd ever seen. They twinkled as she spoke. Her smile lit up the room and the dimple made my heart beat erratically. She was stunning and charming. A tough exterior, yet there was a softness about her and something else I couldn't quite explain.

I'd only just moved here a few weeks ago and had yet to explore the city, but there was suddenly no where else that I'd ever drink again.

"So, stranger, what's your poison?"

Her silky smooth voice could lull me to sleep. It stirred something inside I'd never felt before. Something besides lust.

She checked me out, not so subtly. The undressing of me with her eyes sent a flush over my body from head to toe. I blinked and came to my senses, rolling my eyes at my behavior and allowing a soft smile to pull at the corners of my mouth. "Umm... I feel like a MaCallan's, eighteen year. Neat."

"Ohhh, nicely done." She winked. "Coming right up."

I studied her every move as she worked. So fluid and graceful as she handled the glasses with care and the liquor as if it was an old friend. Like a well oiled machine, she took order after order and served them up with a flirty smile. It must have been her nature and it sure served her well for tips and such. Somehow though, I couldn't help but feel that she looked at me a little different.

As the minutes passed however, my heart sank as she got cozy with a few more patrons. This book was filling my head with crazy dreams. Her wanting me was just my imagination. Given my emotional state though, my imagination seemed like as good a place as any to live for a while. I returned to my page, peeking every few seconds to steal a glance at her.

She hurried back over with my drink in hand. "Sorry for the wait. Here ya go." Setting it down in front of me, she pulled the towel from her shoulder and wiped her hands. "I'm Bo in case you need anything." Her smile was dazzling me again. The dimple stopping my breath until she moved to the next customer.

"Bo," I whispered under my breath once she left. I liked the sound of her name and the way it rolled off my tongue. Past experiences had left me jaded and detached as I traveled this world alone. I'd accepted it, reveled in it even. But now...

One word, one glance from her and I was in a free fall, uncaring if, or when I landed and what the impact would be.

She threw one last glance my way before I buried my head back in the book, praying that the metaphysical mumbo jumbo held the answer of how I could be happy again and if Bo would be the one to make that happen. With more determination than I had when I walked in, I read every word, every line, paying attention to every detail stamped on the quarter sized page. Then came a paragraph that asked me to recite something. A passage that I would say everyday and say it with sincerity:

"I deserve to be happy. Happiness is all around me waiting for me to embrace it."

Ridiculous. Happiness wasn't all around me. It wasn't as easy as that, otherwise I'd have been happy by now. I huffed and shut the book, flipping it face down. I was no longer in the mood for the false sense of reality it was trying to brainwash me into. Lifting the sifter to my nose, I found instant calm at the oaky aroma of the scotch. The burn on its way down my throat made me smile. Seemed the book wasn't wrong after all. Happiness was at the bottom of my glass.

I tapped the bar when Bo looked my way. It was time to get my happy on.

**XXX**

I'd been coming to Hooligan's after work for the last two weeks. I immediately fell in love with the old-timey feel of the place with its dark wooden bar top and stools, brass rails the moment I first walked in. It didn't hurt either that the evening bar tender was gorgeous and funny and kind. Though she held a sadness in her dark brown eyes. I could see through the bright smile she put on, even through the sparkle in her eyes when she looked at me. A sparkle that made me feel things. Tingly. Electric. Warm. Feelings I'd long since given up finding until I saw her. They'd only grown more with each visit.

Sometimes I would come in, sit in the corner and watch from the safety of another servers area. Watch how she moved, how she interacted. The way she would smile one moment and when she thought no one could see her the sadness fell over her. My heart ached for this woman.

It took me another few days to give her my name. I kept coming in several times per week after that, learning her schedule and only indulging in a drink when she was there. Sometimes we'd chat. Sometimes she was too busy. Still, there'd be a moment when she'd cast a glance or throw a wink, once in a while stopping my to see what metaphysical or philosophy book I was reading.

She intrigued me. Even more so because I knew she was special, yet she insisted on clinging to people that made her feel less than. I wanted nothing more than to free her from that and put her up on the pedestal where she belonged, but I was still stuck in the belief that it wasn't in the cards for me. Even with my daily affirmation, I'd felt a little better, but true happiness just seemed too far fetched. I settled for changing to a job I hated less than the last instead. That certainly made life more liveable.

**XXX**

For the last few months I'd watched her leave work with one loser after another. Men, women, didn't matter. They'd flirt while she served them drinks, make her empty promises, then take the only thing they wanted from her, leaving her crying a hour later. I knew. I'd been there, too. It didn't work for me either.

Tonight night a woman bought me a drink and invited me to her table. I noticed the look in Bo's eye as I accepted her invitation. I was too afraid to ask Bo out, yet I was okay with taking up a complete strangers advance. It made no sense, but that's what I did anyway. What really scared me was that deep down I knew Bo was more than a fling to me and I was petrified she didn't feel the same. All the signs were there though, that she was just as interested in me and that frightened me even more.

As I drank and chatted up the younger blonde, Corrine, my gaze kept drifting to Bo and the uncomfortable looks she would send my way. Her shift was nearly over and she left early on the arm of a blonde herself. A pang of jealousy struck me full force. Actually, it was more like all breath was forced from my lungs as she walked out with a woman looking much like me. But Bo didn't look happy to have the gorgeous girl by her side. In fact, she looked as if she would burst into tears any minute.

I stayed another hour before I finished my last drink and stepped out to hail a cab. Bo was making her way back to the bar. Mascara was running with her tears, black streaks down her face. Heels and coat in hand. I quickly stepped back inside, not wanting her to know I'd seen her that way. She would use the back entrance like she usually did, avoiding the customers and their quips and stares. It was a heartbreaking sight and I cursed myself for being such a coward.

Bo was a lost soul like me, searching for something or someone. She clung to every new shining smile like a beacon in the darkness. What she really needed someone to make her feel like the amazing woman that she was instead of a piece of shit. It could be me. Couldn't it? If only I would do something about it we could find out for sure.

**XXX**

It had been a week since I saw Bo crying. It was obvious to me from the moment I sat down that Bo was a little off tonight. Her mood somber, eyes more haunted than usual. It killed me to see her like that. I could take her pain away if she'd let me. I wanted more than anything to be the one to set her free.

She forced a smile when she approached and for her sake I did the same.

"Hey Lauren. The usual?"

"Sure. Thanks Bo. How are you?"

"Fine." She sighed and looked up at me through her lashes. "Long day."

I nodded, not wanting to push the issue. Maybe I could get her to open up as the night went on. The hours passed and she was too busy to talk. I didn't usually stay until closing, but tonight I made an exception. Tonight I felt different. Confident. Maybe, just maybe, tonight was the night I would ask her out.

"You're still here?" Bo wiped the bar down beside me. Her soft smile couldn't hide her exhaustion, physically and emotionally.

"Yeah. I've had a long day too." I smiled lightly. I couldn't help taking her all in. If she was this beautiful in her current state, what would she look like when she was truly happy? "I'm not too excited to get on to tomorrow." It was mostly true. The real truth was that I didn't want to leave her like that.

"Believe me, I get it." She chuckled a bit before the sadness set back in.

It was now or never. Speak now ,or forever hold my peace. I took a deep breath then blurted out, "Bo, what do you say we do something after closing? Maybe we could cheer one another up?"

She bit her lip, her look one of contemplation as she looked me over. "Sure." She nodded. "Just give me an hour."

When her shift was finally done and the bar locked up, we walked to the twenty-four hour diner on the corner. We shared some stories and a sandwich. Neither of us passed on a chance to flirt or casually brush against the other. It was so easy being with her.

I let her in on some of my past experiences that led to me choosing a life of solitude. Bo explained her one night stands as getting one perfect night and avoiding all the heartbreak that came after. She left out the part where each one left her a little more broken than before.

Time flew by and before we knew it was four in the morning.

"Wow, I didn't realize how late it was," Bo said, a frown forming on her face as she looked at her watch.

"Me neither." I didn't want tonight to end. "Do you live far?"

"Across town. I missed the last train, though. I guess I should call a cab."

"Umm, I live just around the corner. You're welcome to crash if you want," I offered, praying I hadn't crossed a line in what I hoped was our budding relationship. I had no grand scheme to get her into bed tonight, but if and when that ever happened, I would do my best to show her what her life should be like.

She pondered for a moment before nodding as she bit her lip. "Well, you have been cheering me up."

The walk home was quick and silent. The ease between us had gone, replaced by an air of nervousness. I had no expectations, but by the way she kept chancing a look at me, my body was humming with anticipation of what might come.

We'd barely stepped through my door before her soft, full lips met mine in a tentative kiss. That first touch was electric. High voltage electric. It took my breath away. Made my heart skip. So intense I couldn't even think. She kissed me again, harder this time, her tongue tracing my top lip sending me into orbit. My pulse skyrocketing, lips parting, allowing her to take control. She had a talent for kissing that was for sure. So good it made my mind drift to other talents she might have and how I'd love for her to demonstrate on me.

All in good time. This was a dream come true, but I didn't want to be another notch in her belt. It took all I had to pry her from my lips enough to speak. "Bo, what are you doing?"

"Cheering you up." She kissed me again. Hard. "I've seen the way you look at me and if you haven't noticed, I've checked you out too. I know you want this, but you've never asked."

"I still haven't."

She froze and stepped back, her hands falling to her sides. Her expression was unreadable, but I assumed she was hurt and embarrassed. "Do you not want this, Lauren?"

Was she kidding? More than anything.

Oh hell, time for plan B.

I crashed our lips together, pushing her back until she was pinned against the wall of my apartment. My body pressed impossibly closer to hers, like it was trying to will the fabric that kept us apart to disappear. Bo's fingers sifted through my hair. She smiled as she pulled me back and looked into my eyes. Hers sparkling with the satisfaction that she was right. I wanted this. But Bo was so much more than a great body and a night in the sack, though that body was hard to ignore. Hopefully, I'd have more chances to explore all Bo had to offer in the bedroom and out, if I didn't fuck this up.

"Got any toys," she asked between kisses that grew more fervent as each second ticked past. "Might as well have some fun while we have the chance."

Mouths began to roam, tasting more skin. Hands wandered, grazing sensitive areas that made one another gasp. Her attention left my skin on fire and a throbbing between my legs that was impossible to overlook.

"Mhm," I managed to grunt in response as my tongue traced a trail from her collarbone to her ear, sucking on it while I palmed her perfect breast. The ones I'd been fantasizing about since the first day we met. Bo moaned as her knees buckled. My arms wrapped around her waist to keep her steady. She pressed her hips harder against mine. Everything about this, about us, felt so right. I didn't want to use anything else with her. Not this time at least. My fingers, my tongue, my mouth were the only things I wanted to touch her with tonight. But I was well aware of what she was thinking. Bo was used to being used. People only wanted her for her body and she assumed I was the same.

She'd been mingling with the wrong people. That time was over.

Tonight I would give her what she asked for and then give her the one thing she'd been yearning to have, but never expected to get. Someone to love her.

I covered her mouth with mine, kissing her deeply, slowly. Losing myself in her. It was so easy to do. I'd loved her since I'd laid eyes on her and this was like a dream come true for me, even if it was just another encounter to her. Untangling my fingers from her thick brown hair, my hand slid down her back, across her hip and over her hand that was gripping my shirt. I tore myself away, her eyes dark with desire, lips swollen from my meticulous exploration of her mouth. The both of us panting for the air we'd been deprived. I slipped my fingers into hers and led her to my bedroom.

She opened her mouth to speak only to be silenced by my finger to her lips, followed by my mouth taking what I wanted and not giving her a chance to change her mind. I walked her slowly until her back hit the wall, pressing my body into hers, rolling my hips as she whimpered. Every move was slow and with specific intent. I would commit every inch of her body, every moment to memory in case it didn't go as planned.

I spun her around. "Stay here, just like this. I'll be right back." I walked backwards, my eyes fixed on the beautiful woman in the little black dress and six inch black heels that had her hands against the wall like she was getting arrested.

My breath caught. The realization that this was going to happen flooding me with a nervous excitement. Bo would be mine for the night. Hopefully forever.

I hurried into the bathroom, ripping my clothes off and pulling out the never used strap on I kept hidden in the back of the bottom drawer. I bought it when I had the idea of doing just what Bo had been doing, but after my first fling I couldn't do it again. I didn't like the way it made me feel. Empty. Sad. I would finally have a reason to used it despite my internal objection. I was going to ease Bo into this and not scare her away with spontaneous over the top professions of love the first night.

I glanced at myself in the mirror. The same hazel eyes that always stared back at me were there, but this time they weren't empty. There was a glimmer of hope that brought a smile to my face. I adjusted the strap on and checked that it was secure. With a deep cleansing breath I walked toward my future, the brunette in my bed room.

She was good at following directions. Bo was just as I left her, as instructed. I checked one more time that the harness was secure before I moved behind her and ran my index finger down her spine. She shivered. Reaching up I found the zipper of her dress and slowly unwrapped the gift before me. Inch by inch her creamy skin revealed itself as the tiny black dress took its time falling to the floor. There she stood, back to me with no bra and just a black lace thong. The sight was awe inspiring.

"Like what you see?" She peeked over her shoulder at what I could only imagine was me slack jawed and drooling.

"Perfection." I mumbled. "The very embodiment of perfection," I said much more clear this time.

My words seemed to make her uncomfortable. She shifted her weight and dropped her head.

"What would you like to do with me?"

It sounded so scripted. It made me sad. Then angry. Was this how it always happened? Was she counting the minutes until I kicked her to the curb after getting my rocks off?

I didn't answer. My arms slipped around her waist as I laid my body against hers. Caressing soft skin, my hands explored inch by inch. My left moved up to massage her breast, rolling her nipple between two fingers as she moaned and moved against me. She was pushing for more, wanted me to move things along quicker, but I wouldn't. My right hand traveled down between her legs, my eyes rolling back as my finger slipped through the wetness that awaited me.

"God, you're so fucking wet Bo."

"Mmm," she hummed.

For another moment I stayed right there, enjoying the feel of her coating my fingers. Until I wanted more. And I wanted more. So much more than a quick fuck.

One finger slipped in causing her to shudder and gasp. "Yes."

Slow and easy, in and out I moved. She arched her back, pushing into me in an attempt to get me deeper and to pick up the pace. A second finger slipped inside, joining the slow and steady rhythm of the first.

"Ohhh god," she moaned between deep gasps for air. "You feel so good. More Lauren, please."

I reached up, my free hand brushing her hair back over her shoulder. The expanse of skin revealed to me made my mouth water. "Not yet," I whispered into her ear before I took her lobe between my teeth.

She groaned as I pulled her into me, effectively silencing the movement of her hips that were screaming for me to let it all loose on her wanting body.

I pulled my fingers out, ignoring her passionate protests, and coated the shaft of the strap with the remnants of her lust for me. I had the lube handy, but there was little need for more when she was so wet, so ready. Literally dripping with desire for me to take her.

I kicked her legs open a little more then took my place behind her. Wanting to feel her one more time, I slid my fingers through her soaked center and sighed. Once again pulling back and coating the flesh colored phallus before slipping the tip in.

Her breath hitched. She pushed back, but I pulled out.

Bo growled. "Dammit Lauren! I want you." She was getting impatient, but I was enjoying every second.

I kneeled down, spreading her ass open with my hands and basking in the beauty of the moment. My hands trailed down, caressing her toned legs before dragging my nails along her skin on the way back up. I stood back up, my mind taking a snapshot of her just like that. So beautiful. No work of art could compare to the beauty of her in that moment.

Just as she moved to turn around I entered her, sliding in and holding it there as she got accustomed to the size. She sighed in contentment and wiggled a little before she started to moved on her own up and down the shaft. I looked on in amazement as it glided easily in and out of her. Bo was getting even more wet with each pass, if that was even possible. She was so hot, so sexy. Absolute perfection in my eyes.

She sped up, her moans and whimpers growing louder as she inched closer to release.

Not yet.

"Mmm yes! Fuck me, Lauren."

No. I hated the way that sounded and the way she said it made this feel cheap. Tainted.

I shook myself out of the daze and regained control, much to her disapproval. Standing her up straight and pulling her tight against me, I drove deeper inside drawing a primal sound from her. A bite on her shoulder, a suck on her neck, my mouth frantically sought anywhere and everywhere it could find that drew a response from her. It was a struggle to regain my control. My body was screaming at me to do exactly what she said, fuck her senseless, but that wasn't how I wanted tonight to go. This was supposed to be different. Make Bo feel like she'd never felt before, despite me giving her some of what she expected at the start.

The gentle, but deep thrusts were driving her insane. Every third or fourth one I would go to the hilt, pressing and holding it inside, knowing it reached the place that could send her over the top.

Not yet.

I released her and gave her an easy push, asking her to lean forward once more. Bo placed her hands on the wall, her ass sticking out and her legs spread wide. Heavy lidded eyes appeared over her shoulder, biting her lip as she gazed at me, begging for attention. My core ached at the sight. It was all for me. I reached between my own legs and groaned at the overwhelming wetness she'd created. Nobody excite me the way she did. Nobody.

"Lauren," she whined. "I want to come so bad."

"Soon," was all I said.

I took her once again, this time harder and faster, picking up the pace. Her screams grew louder with each stroke. She was close, so very close. I stopped again, my cessation met with a slew of curses.

"Fuck, Lauren."

"You want it bad don't you?" I kissed my way down her back, trying my best to hold in my smile.

"Yes!" Her hand balled into a fist and pounded against the wall. She looked over her shoulder again, face flushed, breath heavy, her body moving to try and relieve the ache within from being on the edge so long, but not able to reach the goal. "Please. Please don't stop."

She took me easily as I entered her hard and fast with several quick thrusts before pulling her up to me again. I shifted my hips and angled more up than in. Her entire body shook as I reached the sweet spot.

"Oh my god. Yes. Right there. Fuck! So good!"

I reached around front, returning to where I started with one hand teasing an erect nipple and the other stroking her as I continued to drive deeper. Ear piercing screams ripped through the room as she came hard and long, riding me until she nearly collapsed in exhaustion.

When she fell silent, her body pressed against the wall for support, I pulled out, holding her in my arms until we both caught our breath.

"That was amazing, Lauren."

"You're amazing, Bo. In so many ways."

"You don't have to say that, Lauren. It's all right. We had fun. No need to make it something it's not right?" Her forehead dropped down, coming to rest against the wall. She looked defeated. "I'll just grab my clothes and get going."

"Don't go."

"What? Why?"

I spun her around, looking deep into those eyes that melt my heart each time. "I want more than one hour, one night."

Her brows knitted. She had no idea what I meant.

"I mean, I don't just want to fuck you, Bo. I want you. All of you. Every day."

She was still confused.

"You make me feel so good, Bo." I brushed her hair back from her face, lingering there as my thumb brushed idly across her cheek. My heart full and stomach over run with butterflies at having confessed my true intent. "I can't even put a word to it. I can't wait to see you at night. The skin on my arm tingles for hours if you so much as brush against it. I don't think I'm the only one that feels that way. Am I?"

"I uh..." she shook her head, a perplexed expression still on her face. "No, you're not." She cupped my jaw, her eyes beginning to glisten as she smiled softly at me. It was starting to click. "I feel it too, but why now? We've known each other for months? I thought you were into me, but figured you were either too afraid to make a move or not as interested as I thought."

"I was scared. You're not the only one with demons, insecurities. But then I grew angry watching you give yourself to people who didn't respect you, cherish you the way you deserved to be cherished, or love you the way you should be loved. The way that I would love you."

I kissed her with all that I had. Deeply. Thoroughly. I wanted her to feel it all the way to her toes, just like I did. Time stood still. Every cell in my body vibrating with an intense energy that let me know this was exactly what I wanted. I broke the kiss, gazing into her eyes as I whispered, "I gave you what you were used to, what you'd come to expect. Now, let me show you what you deserve."

She nodded. The pain and sadness behind her eyes dissipating the longer she was in my arms.

I released the strap, letting the harness fall to the floor. I moved slow, gently walking her to the bed as we peppered one another with light kisses. The air around us was heavy, filled with emotion that wasn't there moments ago. There was no more explaining. I'd let my touch, my actions, say it all and every word they spoke was an ode to the way she made me feel. If I spoke convincingly enough, she would understand the meaning behind each subtle glance and soft caress.

The next few hours were spent worshiping every square inch of her body with painstakingly slow attention. Showing her what it meant to be treated like a woman. Letting her experience the difference between having sex and making love. Pleasuring her repeatedly to the chorus of my name in the key of soft moans and glass shattering screams before falling asleep with her securely in my arms. My body wrapped around hers, protecting her from the pain of her past.

Sleep was quick to overtake me, but before my eyes closed for the last time, I saw the stack of books on my nightstand. Each one a how-to guide to being one with the universe and getting what you want. Took me four months to learn the lessons. The daily affirmations helped my mood, but nothing in my life changed. Until today.

That's when I realized that it was one thing to ask for opportunities, another thing all together to be open to them and to seize them when they came along. The universe dangled a carrot in front of me for four months. A carrot in the form of a brunette bombshell with a heart of gold. How many other opportunities had I let slip by as I passed through life with blinders on hoping that something life changing would fall in my lap?

Funny thing was, it did. All I had to do was reach out and catch it. If I did nothing else, I was gonna take this carrot and run as long as I was lucky to have it.

I kissed her behind the ear, wishing her a good night. She murmured and pressed back into me. I hadn't smiled this wide in years. I closed my eyes and sighed. Her warm body against mine in all the right places felt like a dream. I hoped it wasn't. I'd wasted enough of my days alone and unwanted.

I had finally done it. I took a chance and embraced happiness. Now I wanted nothing more than this to be the first of many I'd fall asleep with Bo in my arms.

_**Fin**_

**XXX**

**Sooo...what do you think? Yay? Nay? Reviews are appreciated.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Wow! Thanks so much for the overwhelming support for this story. You guys are amazing :D**_

_**So by popular demand, here is a short follow-up in Bo's POV. Enjoy**_

The fortress of safety that her warm embrace surrounded me with last night felt like a prison when I woke. My heart pounded like a hammer. I had to escape. But freeing myself from the locked gates that were her arms would be no easy chore. The last thing I wanted was to wake her. No, the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt her.

What would I say? How would I explain? So many thoughts filling my head and feelings coursing through my body. It was dizzying. Overwhelming.

I hated to sneak away like a coward. Like she meant nothing to me but a good time. I also hated what I was feeling. How could the one thing that never felt more right also scare me to death? And what kind of messed up person would flee the walls of the one place that seemed like the home she'd longed for her entire life?

I didn't deserve her and she deserved far better than me; a lowly bar manager with a list of meaningless rendezvous a mile long. I was a shell of a human being living a meaningless existence. What we shared last night burned in my memory. The only night I would ever remember until I took my final breath. But saying the wrong thing if we were to speak now would taint what we shared. That's why I had to leave. I wanted nothing to erase this one happy moment in my life.

A sick laugh that only I could hear escaped my lips, shaking my head at the perverted irony that my current actions accomplished the very same thing I said I wanted to avoid. Hurting Lauren.

Would she understand though, if I needed time to think? Lauren was so sure of herself, of us, last night. She wanted me for more than an hour. More than one night. Her words showered me with an acceptance I'd been searching for daily in the form of cheap compliments with hidden agendas. The light flecks of brown in her eyes sparkled with so much hope. So powerful that I felt it too and we basked in it as we lie in each others arms after the most passionate sex I'd ever had. But in the light of day, I had questions. Questions whose answers evaded me at the moment I needed them most.

From the very first time I laid eyes on her she sparked something inside of me. I couldn't say what it was. I hadn't felt anything like it before. I hadn't felt much of anything since high school. But there she was. She was real. And so was everything that happened between us last night. God, if only I was strong enough to stay in her arms. That so-called prison was sure to hold the most rewarding sentencing one could ever receive.

Now here I was, throwing on clothes quick and silent beside the bed as I readied my escape, staring at her softened features while she slept. Gone was that crease between her brow she'd worn every evening from the stresses of life. No longer were the corners of her lips pulled into a frown, but the tiniest hint of a smile was in its place. She was beautiful. She made me feel beautiful. But in a different way than all the others. She made me feel beautiful inside, valued for something besides my body. Every touch, every glance, every word from her was more like worship.

Even as she fucked me from behind, or uttered the same words as so many others,_ "absolute perfection"_, it never felt empty. Never felt cheap. It was all about me and how she could make me feel. I half expected her to build me a shrine with the reverence in her actions.

Until Lauren I'd only known empty worship. The kind made of pretty words and promises with the intent to achieve a goal. Once the gods were prayed to in the back of a car, an alley or a dingy hotel room, they'd leave with the satisfaction of prayers answered as they went in search of another place to pray. Lauren tore that polluted chapel down and resurrected one with tender care.

But I was just another pretty face. I had nothing to offer. I knew a night with her would be different, but why would she really want to love me? Would she even still feel that way today? Would she now realize that I wasn't really worthy of that kind of adoration? Was she just looking for someone to save?

I was no one's pity case. I'd been promised love before, at least until the morning after. Words whispered in the heat of desire hold little weight.

Slipping my shoes on I took one last look. My race for the exit came to a sudden halt by a warm hand around my wrist.

"Stay."

Her voice was raspy from night, but the desperation it held was plain as day.

"Please stay, Bo."

I couldn't look at her, only down at her delicate fingers wrapped around my wrist, searing my skin, holding fast on to the last thread that kept me from bounding the wall of that warm, safe, loving prison I so very badly needed to escape. I was a sadist. I had to be. Why else would I want to leave this and go back to the emptiness I had before her?

Slow steps carried me away, my hand trailing behind until the distance set me free. A throbbing ache in my chest that grew with each step.

"I meant what I said, Bo." Her words stopped me in my tracks. The tremble in her voice made me look back, no matter how much I feared seeing the hurt I was causing. When my eyes met hers, she was still strong, still determined that she could get me to see reason. But the glistening hint of what was to come shone through. "I meant every word. Let me love you, Bo. The way I know you want to be loved."

A tear rolled down my face as I stood silent. Only a second before I ran again. Breaking the plane of her front door pain tore through my soul like razor wire. What had I done?

I looked at nothing but the tops of my feet carrying me as quick as possible from her place to the train, then to my apartment. The one time I wished I'd had a hood to hide my never-ending tears from bystanders. Slamming the apartment door behind me, I collapsed into a ball on the floor. Gut wrenching sobs racked my body, never stopping until my throat was sore and I had no tears left to shed.

I hated my life. I hated that I ever took my mother's words to heart. I became the one thing I never wanted. Her.

She preached that no one would ever want me for anything other than my looks. That pretty girls should enjoy all the delicacies that life had to offer and take what they could get before they became old and ugly. That I should find a wealthy older man to marry and parade around on his arm, because then I'd be set for life. She said that no one loved a pretty girl, they loved the idea of having a pretty girl.

I didn't want to believe her. I didn't. But when I'd been playing the fool time and again, hoping that I had found the one, well, I came to realize that she was right. That was when I heeded her advice. Every nice body or sexy smile. I had anyone I wanted. Sometimes fancy dinners or a few gifts, but I didn't want any of that. I was looking for that brief period of time when they wanted no one else in the world except me. That time when they looked at me as if I were the most precious thing in the world. I wanted that feeling they gave me between the time they led me out of the bar until right after climax. Anything after that, I was just a conquest. The look of sheer satisfaction in their eyes made feel ashamed, dirty.

Lauren never looked at me like that. I thought that was what I saw from her every night at the bar, but looking back now, I could see it clearly. Even when I would catch her checking me out from the other end of the bar, or when she hid in another server's section, she always looked at me as if I were that most precious possession. That one thing you'd never want to lose, that you couldn't live without.

I was blind to it before, only thinking that she was gorgeous and different and would most certainly be some of the best sex of my life. She had that fire in her eyes that burned behind the lost, confused woman reading those spiritual books. Lauren was full of lust for me, that was for sure, but no one's gaze could burn a hole through me like hers. No one made my body tingle like she did with just a simple smile. No one could stare at my breasts and make it a compliment. No one made me happier when they walked into the room and no one could capture my attention with just a simple 'hello.'

No one was Lauren. And I walked away from her.

"Stupid!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, slapping myself in the head. "Stupid! Stupid!"

I was an ass. A pathetic, cowardly ass.

I forced myself from the floor and stumbled to my bed. Exhaustion from the emotional hours taking over as I drifted to sleep. My last thoughts were of Lauren. Would she come to the bar tonight? Did I still have a chance to fix this? Had I just damned myself to the very life I feared most?

**XXX**

I'd awoken with a clear head and a renewed purpose. For the first time certain of my place in this god forsaken life. It was with Lauren. I had cast off my demons and no longer accepted the fate that was before me. The one my mother had instilled in me. I could choose my own destiny. The only thing now between me and that dream I had as a girl was my own foolish actions. But there in lie the problem.

A quarter after six. She wasn't coming. My heart sank further into my chest and any enthusiasm I had, which was little to begin with, just called it a night. I'd clung to hope that she would show. It was the motivation I needed to get dressed and come in tonight. What would I say? Who knew, but I had to make this right.

Six twenty-five. I wanted to curl up into that ball and replay events from earlier in the day, but I needed to be strong. For the first time I had to be more than a pretty girl. I needed to be the woman who Lauren saw in me.

There was no way I'd make it until three in the morning. I grabbed Jen from the back and tossed my towel at Chuck. "I got an emergency."

I ran as fast as my heels would take me. It wasn't fast enough. I stopped and kicked them off, grabbing them and high tailing it to her place once again. I reached her door a sweaty, panting mess, but I didn't care. Nothing else mattered but fixing the worst mistake of my life.

Gathering my thoughts and catching my breath, I slipped my heels back on. Taking one last deep breath I knocked on her door. The wait was agony. Footsteps stopped on the other side. My breath caught in anticipation.

"Who is it?"

Her voice was weak, haggard. It broke my heart that I was the cause.

"It's Bo." My words fell out with far less confidence than I had hoped to exude.

There was a pause. It may as well have been an eternity before I saw her tear-stained face and swollen eyes. She dropped her eyes and walked away, taking a seat at the small table that held only a half empty glass and a quarter of a bottle of scotch. She wasn't drunk, but it was on her list of things to do this evening.

"I thought you didn't do return visits." She downed the rest of her glass and poured another.

The words cut deep, but I had it coming. She knew well enough my history and my rule to never sleep with the same person twice. Still, coming from her...

"I deserve that." I took slow steps toward the table and took a seat in the chair across from her. I wanted to reach for her, feel her skin against mine, but I couldn't. I had no place. Instead I folded my hands on the table top, staring at them as I contemplated my next words. But she struck first.

"What do you want, Bo? Because you made it pretty clear this morning that you didn't want what I was offering." She still wouldn't look at me, choosing to stare at the amber liquid she was absent mindedly swirling in her glass.

"I want you to love me the way I want to be loved."

That caught her attention. She set the glass down and met my eyes with a hard stare, but said nothing.

"Lauren, I am so, so sorry. I was afraid. I was stupid. I don't expect you to understand, or to give me another chance, though I really, really hope you do..." I took a breath. I was rambling. Running my fingers through my hair I paused at the back and locked my hands behind my head. "Lauren, last night was...wow! It was amazing. I heard and felt everything you said. But this morning I freaked. I thought that in the light of day you'd realize your mistake. That I wasn't worthy. I didn't want to hurt you, but I would have died if I heard you say those words."

"But I didn't. I said as much."

"I know." I choked back tears. The pain in her expression was a knife to my heart. "By then I was already a mess. Your words didn't sink in until I reached my apartment. And believe me, I felt the weight of them tenfold on my chest as I realized what I'd done." I shoved my chair back and scrambled to her side, falling to my knees. "If there's anyway you'd find it in your heart to give me another chance, I promise to spend everyday making you feel as whole as you make me." The back of my hand wiped the tears as they fell down my cheeks. "Because dammit Lauren, you're the only one in this world that makes me believe I'm worth something. That I have something to offer someone besides a good time. That I'm allowed to have something good in my life. That something good is you. It has been since the first day you walked into my bar and drooled over my breasts." I took a chance and pulled her hands into my own, squeezing them tight and pressing them to my lips.

"I didn't drool."

I couldn't help but grin at the shy smile pulling her lips as she blushed.

"Yeah you did, but it was the first time I wasn't repulsed by it. I was actually flattered that I had such an effect on the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen." The sparkle in her eyes finally returned, removing the weight that had made it so hard to breath. "Honestly, throwing them in your face was my last-ditch attempt to get you to notice me since you'd had your head buried in that book the entire time."

She smiled and laughed.

It was music to my ears. "You were looking for answers in your books and me in any stranger that flashed a pretty smile."

"Quite the pair aren't we," she mused. "The answer was right in front of us the whole time."

This was the time, the opening I'd hoped for. "Can we please try again, Lauren? I'll do anything." The words hung in the air, seemingly forever, as I awaited my fate.

Lauren sighed and rolled her eyes. I always found it adorable, except when my world hinged on her next few words. "Bo..."

The racing thunder of my heart in my ears made it hard to hear anything. My breath was held captive in my chest as I swallowed hard.

She pulled a hand free and cupped my jaw, holding me so that I was powerless to do anything except get lost in her eyes. "The the only thing I want you to do is never run from me again."

I nodded feverishly, my smile stretching to the ends of the earth. Her forgiveness lifting the darkness that was clouding my mind and filling my heart. "I can do that." It was just a whisper, but enough for her to hear. It was all I could manage to choke out with the storm of emotions overwhelming me.

Lauren grabbed the sides of my face and pulled me up, meeting my lips with her own in a mind-blowing kiss that held every answer to my existence. Taking my hand in hers, she led me to her room where we took our time undressing one another before I paid her the same attention she did me the night before. My mouth, my hands committing every inch of her to memory. My senses taking in every detail; the way she tastes, the sound she made when I nibbled her neck, the feel of her clenching my fingers as she spiraled toward ecstasy for the first time tonight. It was just one moment, but it would be the first of many. I believed that down to my core.

It was still dark when I awoke. The clock staring at me read three forty-three in the morning. Usually I'd be just getting into bed, winding down from a long shift, but this time I'd been exhausted by several rounds with an insatiable blonde that gave every bit as good as she got in more things than sex.

I reached down to the hand on my belly and covered it with my own. A warmth spread through me, soothing my brief moment of anxiety with reassurance. It had always been easier to believe the negatives, to accept the worst. Holding on to the positives took courage and a will of steel. Good things were all around, I just needed to find the strength to believe it could happen to me. As I looked at her now, blonde hair draped over my shoulder and that sleepy smile that melted my insides, I felt like the strongest woman in the world.

With Lauren, I was no longer afraid of what I had been, instead I looked forward to what I would become. Her arms were my sanctuary. My light. My hope. My saving grace. In her arms I was loved unconditionally. Unlike yesterday, her arms no longer felt like a prison. No, they would never hold me back. They were the wings on which I could finally soar.

**_Fin_**

**XXX**

**Thank you all again. Reviews are appreciated. I'd love to know what you thought of Bo.**


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